Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Threatened?! Lets just see how things turn out

God is a funny fellow indeed.
When things seem to be going right at last, there is always something new awaiting you right just behind a corner.

And this new thingy came to me just recently this week, and hmm, its really something i never ever encountered before.

Well what's so new anyway?
Remember the PWF thingy, as i have said, it has gotten someone on the move to bring my dear ol' good name down. Rumours are spread, although i don't know what are them and it seems that more and more people are joining this anti Cher Hong movement.

Well that of course would have been nothing until recently, guess what? i've been confronted!
It came in a rather funny way, there i was after early morning Monday assembly, after my prefects duties when suddenly two form five guys approached me.

"Hey, you are Phang Cher Hong right?"
"Yeah, i am. Why?"
And there it goes, bla bla bla, those things a guy would usually say when you are trying to scare or threaten someone.

Well being the nerdie guy i am, it would have been suprising if i would say that i am not scared. Of course i am! Caught completely off guard and sad to say that i stumbled for a moment.
Besides that, this particular guy has nothing to do during band competition and toyed with a laser pointer trying to annoy me.
Man, people nowadays can go to ends just wanting to show you that they are greater than you and to make you scared. Too bad he did not accomplished what he want though, in fact i was amused on the fact this is what "students" like him do to scared people.

That is not all, today that guys who's name i shall not say pointed me to an indian guy and say,
"Nah budak inilah" after my prefect shoot today. What, is he trying to drag indian boys now to whack me up? And i thought this was a matter concerning only me and his gang. No doubt that rumours are being spread about me, followers recruited and battle plans laid for the ultimate showdown.
Like i say, "student" nowadays.

Well, worse come to worse, i 'll be bashed up and having the chance to skip school spending my time at the hospital. Amazing, isn't it?
Well all i can do now is just pray for the courage, wisdom and strength to face this all new problem.
On the same time, i also see it as a way to hone up my skills as a Christian.

On the other hand, i receiced a letter today offering a free scholarship for me to study computer in CICT.

Like i said, God likes to play games.
Just when i thought that form 6 is goin to be my life, another door popped open.

Well, i'm still thinking about it though but there is one sure benefit if i take the scholarship, and that is i would not have to worry of people bashing me up.
Unless if they are thinking about heading to KL to whack me up .

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Problems, trials? I got them too..

Everyone has problems in their life and i do too. Despite my cheerful attitude in life, sometimes i just find that life's problems are just too much to take.

And often i just feel uncared for, unappreciated, unnoticed and unaccepted in life. Besides that i also got a bunch of burdens to handle in life daily, just like everyone else. And sometimes, i just drop and fail miserably.

I am someone without family love.
Why would i say that?

Simple, since the day i was born, all my mother had ever do is to complain about my existence in this world, even when i'm young. No matter how hard i try, she's never satisfied with me. All she ever do is to compare, compare and compare plus complain.

"Why couldn't you be like so and so?", "Do you know how hard is for me to have a son like you?", "Other's people children are better than you a hundred times do you know that?", "Sometimes, i just wish that i never gave birth to you".

The say that usually a mother say all this is because that she love you but the fact is i do not see any hint of love in all of her sentence. There's a dagger to put a hole in me behind her every word.

Sigh, how i hope that she will just treat me as her son, loving me and accepting me for who i am, not the person she want me to be. Sometimes, like what Tom said in "I'm not stupid 2", my home, is just a day for me to sleep.

Family isn't the only problem i have to face in life.
I also find that most of the time standing up for what you believe in is one of the toughest task that you have to face in the world.

When you believe in something but the whole world is against you, you'll often find that your courage and willpower tested to the limit. What do you really believe in? What do you hold true in life?

One of the examples is love, well perhaps sex as well.

I am the one of the almost extinct believers of true love and abstinence, which is no sex til marriage kind of guy. You may call me outdated or what, but for me, i prefer a virgin wife more than those who always sleep around with guys. If sex is really that casual, why do you have marriage in the first place?

That is why i am still single now and even still keeping my first kiss. But when you look around and find out that almost all of your friends are having sex with girls, can you really hold strong to what you believe in? Although i know that this is wrong, but some times i really find myself doubting my ability to hold on so long.

Sometimes i just wish that i do not know so many things and the way i view life is just as same as everyone else.

God gave me a gift, one that i rather not have sometimes. You see, when your view of life is differently you find that most of the time you will be thinking of many life's questions and it just can get annoying sometimes.

true, i maybe know how to think about my future, my purpose in life but how good for me if i just do not know about all these and just focus on having fun in my current life. Focusing just on my present.

Everything happens for a reason, i'm often told and all that i will reap the seeds that i've sown today sooner or later.

But how long can i stand firm in spite of all the test?

Everyone has their own limit and time after time i find myself really being pushed to my limits and i often stumble in my path of life.

Sigh but no matter what, i choose to stand firm for what i believe in. In fact i really don't have the choice to choose the path i'm walking for. Others might see me as outdated or even conservative and do not how to enjoy life. I agree that i'm indeed conservative but once you have came to know of something life, once you seen something through you own eyes, you can't really choose to ignore it

Like they say, ignorance is bliss, sometimes, i just prefer to remain as a PWF, do not know how to think, just enjoy.

My problems are not that simple actually,
the list goes ever on.

Friends, youth fellowship, church, studies and a whole lot more worries i have in life. But one thing that i'm thankful for is that i'm able to put my worries in God's hand and trust in him to take care of it. And i can also trust him for comfort, acceptance and appreciation.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Unconditonal, unreserved love

Unconditional Love, or unreserved love, what is the true meaning?

I heard about this phrase a few days ago during one of my church youth meeting a few days ago and i think that it is very revelant especially in such a world today, where there is so much hatred and wickedness.

The concept of unconditional love is quiet simple actually, it means loving someone even though you will not be loved in return, loving someone for who they are and loving someone although that person is your enemy.

Sounds easy?

Sure, but how many of us in the world that actually can practices unconditional love?

We often choose the person we want to love, the person we want to accept.

We tend to judge other people for being unworthy of our love, branding them as lower class persons and staying away from them. But have you ever stop to think that the feelings of those who are left in the sidelines? Have you ever think about the feelings of those who you deem as "disgusting, cheap, evil, bad etc" and choose to stay away from them? What are your feelings if you are left alone in this world, abandoned, unloved and uncared for?

We tend to curse our enemies, those that we hate so that they will face all kind of problems. Have you ever noticed that hatred, revenge will lead to only break ups, wars, suffering and unending feelings of hatred? Do you know the best way to solve problems is through forgiveness and aceeptance, love?

We always talk about love, loving our spouse, boyfriends/girlfriend, friends, family but do we know the true measure of love? What it really means?

I do now, for me, true love do not mean loving the people that i choose only. True love means loving everyone, no matter what or attitude that person is.

I agree that this is a hard thing to do, but if this can help change the world in a little bit it is worth it.

Jesus too, pratices unconditional love.Although he was persecuted, tortured, beaten and suffered greatly under the hand of his enemies, he did not choose to curse them, he did not seek revenge, he did not say
"Watch out, i will surely pay back when i come back!"
No he did not choose the path of hatred but instead forgiveness. Even in his final dying moments,
he said "Abba father, forgive them, for they do not know what are they doing."

Who in the world can do that?! And thats why i choose to idolize Him. Unconditional love, a lesson to be learned.

I recently found a song called Unreserved Love, which is in my blog. It is very touching. Hope you all will take the moment to listen to it. Below are the lyrics and do view my 2 video down there so you will understand the true extent of Jesus's suffering. Til then.

I've always been told love won't survive,
Promises will turn into lies,
The world just thinks love comes and passes through,
It never lasts pure and true.

But I still believe love can last,
It's your unfailing love that gives me rest,
You were there when I needed you most,
I'll never walk all alone.

On the cross you died and took away my curse,
Love so wondrous no one ever could deserve,
Your bleeding hands proved your love unreserved,
You're my greatest joy and treasure on the earth.

Make my life a fragrant offering I pray,
Help me Lord to serve you truly every day,
Through tears and joy I'll give you all my praise,
Let the whole world know your love and grace

Monday, June 11, 2007

I Am Standing Firm!

Maybe writing about everything that i feel on the blog is not a good idea after all.

Because of the previous few postings, now there are few anti Cher Hong movements around Ipoh, blasting and shooting me now. Ouch.

One thing is certain though, standing up for what you believe in can sometimes result in an unfavourable response, even a hostile one with knives and any weaponary a student can get hold of. Luckily this is not USA (remember Virginia tech?).

Well there are also other problems too besides the anti Cher Hong's blog movement. Sigh, next time i talk, i'll have to process it about 5 seconds before letting it out. But what i know now is there is a lot of apologizing for me to do concerning about the love problem last year in MC.

One thing i learned is that no matter how hard you try, you cannot possibly get the world world to agree with or like you. Except for the two faced fellows that for sure.

Too bad isn't it, sometimes there's no grey actions to choose, just only white or black and either one has its own disadvantages but no matter what, i choose to stand firm this time.

Before anything, i have to admit that i've made some mistakes. In my godsis's case and the love one. Being too sensitive and too caring about my godsis and being too much a jerk in the second one.

Being the old me, i would have choose to take down my blog post and hide without having to face the jeers and the stares of those who are against me.

But this time i'm standing firm. Everyone makes mistakes and i do too. So i'm letting the post stay up there.

And i want to clarify something about the PWF post. I know that many have disagree with what i wrote and some are also calling it offensive.
But i know what am i writing and to tell the truth, i do not think there's anything wrong with it. Yes some might feel offended 'cause what i have wrote may refer to you but in any case that i'm wrong, do tell me.

The reason i'm putting this on blog is that so you all can read it and comment about it. If there's anything wrong, i will gladly change it and apologize.

To think about it, where do all the robbers, gangsters and rapists come from. Those who do not know how to think.

Ok maybe not all PWF are like that, they have contributions too. Well, for example, if everyone becomes a doctor or lawyer, who are going to be the bus drivers, the janitors, the construction workers?

Sunday, June 10, 2007

What's new in life?

Many things that had taken place this week and each of them has equal importance in my heart.

Frankly i spent a lot of time thinking of what to write in this time's post because if write write bout everything that has happened, i thnik all of you will fall asleep halfway into it.

Enough of the boring intro anyway, time into the real stuff.

One oh the things that had taken place is bout my jie anyway like i have wrote in my last post.

Unknown to me, she had also found a boyfriend too, a kind which is more to the gangster type. This is not an issue anyway because it's her life, her choice although i may not like it. The more i try to care, the worse, so just leave it to it.

But what hurts it that the fact that she said she wants to focus on studies first and not BGRs plus she plans to keep it a secret from me forever.

What more can i say? I learned that no matter how close a person is to you, most of the time, they will change. And like it or not, sometimes the changes does not includes you. No matter what happened last time. Like they say, past is past.

Also learned that promises are made to be broken. No matter what someone says, do not put too much trust in it. This has happened not once, but many times from various people.

Besides the issue on my jie, there was another one about love too. Just recently i found out that last year because of some stupid action i did i ended up doing things that i have always been up against.

Playing with other people's feeling. Maybe what i did that time for me is just a small action, not worth to be noticed but what i did not expect is the effects left on the people that i decided to toy with.

What is the point? No matter how small an action seems to us at a particular time, it will have its lasting effects. Like the saying goes, we reap what we sow. What we do today will surely affect our future.

So think wisely next time before you decide on what yo do because sometimes, any amount of regret will not undo a mistaken action. Think before you act.

There are other things too that has an negatibe effect on me but that's not important anyway.

It made me wonder back about life.

Why are all these problems getting me sidelined and moody? What am i going to do to make things better?

Well, the answer is simple, i'm losing my focus in of what's important in life and my destination in life. I'm too caught up in the worldly things and forgotten about my focus.

After a moment of prayer today, finally i'm getting my life back on track. No matter what life has to throw on me, i'm taking it and i'm not afraid. Because i got a big GOD besides me.

Sunday, June 3, 2007

Must it end like this?

This post is especially dedicated to a person that i hold dear to my heart (for those of you who like to misunderstand, pls don't, it has ntg to do with my girlfriend cause i have none!). As i write this post, our relationship is hanging in the balance and sincerely, being the so called mature person who just know how to help others, i do not have the faintest idea of what should i do now to mend this already broken relationship.

Funny isn't it? That sometimes a relationship so deeply shared can just go away with a simple misunderstanding. Those so called changes.

The laugther shared together, the storms faced together, all forgotten with a simple change. Why?

I guess this is one of the simple rules of life, that friends come and go and true friends are very hard to be found. That a person could never stay the same and break ups and saying good byes are sometimes unavoidable. That no matter how much time and joy you shared together, all those would be forgotten. All those feeling, energy put into that relation, gone.

Sigh, guess i have a lot of climbing back up to do after this and life would never be the same again for me. Wasted, thats all i could say. Such a great relationship, til now.

No advice to be given in this posting, cause i'm the one who's feeling want to cry right now. SIgh, relation between humans are just so fragile... you'll never know when a fairytale would end.

Is it so hard to find just a true friend who really cares and understands?

Only God's love is unchanging, He's my strength when i'm weak, my comfort when i'm sad, the one who carry me through hard times, the one who protects me. The one who truly cares.

I really envy those of you who got someone who really cares for you in life, be it your friends or your loved ones.

Treasure them and never, never look down on their love and their care. When they are gone, how much amount of regret is no use.

People who really give a damn about you in this life are truly rare to come by, so thats why you must really treasure them and pour thme with all your love and caring like they do to you. Do not do something that you will regret next time.

As for me, what more could i say or do? Whats gone is gone. SIgh, i just can look back and just remember those times that we once shared. To my jie, sorry that our relation would have to become like this.

Maybe we just aren't the type who clicked and the best relation for us are just normal friends. But i truly treasure all those time that we share together, though it may seem not important to you, it is to me. And no matter what,you will always remain in my heart. Sorry and take care.

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