There's something really wrong with the world today. No, i'm not talking about the Iraq war, the Hollywood celebrities nor the reason why Malaysia stinks so much at football nowadays.
I'm talking about the people we shall address as teenagers.

You see, in the society i live, in fact, it's the same for the whole wide world i guess, there's a common perception of who can be considered cool or up-to-date among tenagers.
You see, there's unwritten rules about it.

For example,
- Hair with partings, not spiky or messy are uncool
- Swearing up a storm (which sometimes include the whole family) is so.. WOW!
- Studying (or being smart in that matter), YuCks!
- Tucking in your shirt = NERD
- Every sentence must start with a "Yo!"
- Being naughty, attractive!
- Breaking the RuLes is a must!
- Smoking, achohol, sex? Thats cool..


Naturally, this is what i can see among teenagers nowadays. That being naughty, breaking the rules, getting into troubles are considered a must to fit in or to be considered happening by others.
These are the people that usually gets the most attention, whom are admired by many although they do not have damn clue of what a truly meaningful life means.
To them, only themselves and having fun matters.

On the other hand, those who put studies or their future first rather than temporary self-satisfaction are often looked down and casted aside, being labelled as outdated and these are the people who nobody will notice.
Of course, when it comes to fun, sometimes these people do lose out to the first gang and they may not be as humorous too.


To be honest, i consider myself as the second type of person, those goodie-goodie type of guy whom you can always picture as one who wear spectacles and hair center-parting hair. Though i may have spectacles but my hair is not one of the nerdy types.

Well, being a nerd is kind of hard when you're being looked down all the time, unnoticed. Sometime you'll also start questioning the point of being what you are since the ones who are constantly getting attention are those whom you are trying so hard not to become.

Sometime, i just feel like giving into temptation, joining in those "cool" people but i know that it is not right, and being those kind of people is way out as i have my own priciples and as i ama Christian plus i know doing all these stuff really do not bring any meaning except self-satisfication which is very temporary only.

Sometime you just wonder if the Devil is behind the scenes.

Nevrtheless, i'm proud of being who i am although i may not be as poplular or sometimes viewed as a small boy who do not know anything.
But i rather be myself rather than trying to be whom i am not just to fit in.

Deep down, i know the reasons i am sticking on with what i believe in and i know what i am doing is the right path, though few would choose this road.
This post may offend some of you all but hey, its just my point of view.
It could be wrong, it could be right.

EXPLAIN THE problem science has with Jesus Christ." The atheist professor of philosophy pauses before his class and then asks one of his new students to stand. "You're a Christian, aren't you, son?"

"Yes, sir."

"So you believe in God?"

"Absolutely."

"Is God good?"

"Sure! God's good."

"Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?"

"Yes."

"Are you good or evil?"

"The Bible says I'm evil."

The professor grins knowingly. "Ahh! THE BIBLE!" He considers for a moment. "Here's one for you. Let's say there's a sick person over here and you can cure him. You can do it. Would you help them? Would you try?"

"Yes sir, I would."

"So you're good...!"

"I wouldn't say that."

"Why not say that? You would help a sick and maimed person if you could... in fact most of us would if we could... God doesn't."

No answer.

"He doesn't, does he? My brother was a Christian who died of cancer even though he prayed to Jesus to heal him. How is this Jesus good? Hmmm? Can you answer that one?"

No answer.

The elderly man is sympathetic. "No, you can't, can you?" He takes a sip of water from a glass on his desk to give the student time to relax. In philosophy, you have to go easy with the new ones. "Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?"

"Er... Yes."

"Is Satan good?"

"No."

"Where does Satan come from?"

The student falters. "From... God..."

"That's right. God made Satan, didn't he?" The elderly man runs his bony fingers through his thinning hair and turns to the smirking, student audience. "I think we're going to have a lot of fun this semester, ladies and gentlemen." He turns back to the Christian. "Tell me, son. Is there evil in this world?"

"Yes, sir."

"Evil's everywhere, isn't it? Did God make everything?"
"Yes."

"Who created evil?"

No answer.

"Is there sickness in this world? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All the terrible things - do they exist in this world?"

The student squirms on his feet. "Yes."

"Who created them?"

No answer.

The professor suddenly shouts at his student. "WHO CREATED THEM? TELL ME, PLEASE!" The professor closes in for the kill and climbs into the Christian's face. In a still small voice: "God created all evil, didn't He, son?"

No answer.

The student tries to hold the steady, experienced gaze and fails.
Suddenly the lecturer breaks away to pace the front of the classroom like an aging panther. The class is mesmerized. "Tell me," he continues, "How is it that this God is good if He created all evil throughout all time?"
The professor swishes his arms around to encompass the wickedness of the world. "All the hatred, the brutality, all the pain, all the torture, all the death and ugliness and all the suffering created by this good God is all over the world, isn't it, young man?"

No answer.

"Don't you see it all over the place? Huh?" Pause. "Don't you?" The professor leans into the student's face again and whispers,

"Is God good?"

No answer..

"Do you believe in Jesus Christ, son?"

The student's voice betrays him and cracks. "Yes, professor. I do."
The old man shakes his head sadly. "Science says you have five senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Have you ever seen your Jesus?"

"No, sir. I've never seen Him."

"Then tell us if you've ever heard your Jesus?"

"No, sir. I have not."

"Have you ever felt your Jesus, tasted your Jesus or smelt your Jesus... in fact, do you have any sensory perception of your God whatsoever?"

No answer.

"Answer me, please."

"No, sir, I'm afraid I haven't."

"You're AFRAID... you haven't?"

"No, sir."

"Yet you still believe in him?"

"...yes..."

"That takes FAITH!" The professor smiles sagely at the underling. "According to the rules of empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your God doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son? Where is your God now?"

The student doesn't answer.

"Sit down, please."

The Christian sits...Defeated. Another Christian raises his hand. "Professor, may I address the class?"

The professor turns and smiles. "Ah, another Christian in the vanguard! Come, come, young man. Speak some proper wisdom to the gathering."
The Christian looks around the room. "Some interesting points you are making, sir. Now I've got a question for you. Is there such thing as heat?"

"Yes," the professor replies. "There's heat."

"Is there such a thing as cold?"

"Yes, son, there's cold too."

"No, sir, there isn't."

The professor's grin freezes. The room suddenly goes very cold. The second Christian continues. "You can have lots of heat, even more heat, super-heat, mega-heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat but we don't have anything called 'cold'. We can hit 458 degrees below zero, which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that.

"There is no such thing as cold, otherwise we would be able to go colder than 458 - You see, sir, cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat we can measure in thermal units because heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it."

Silence.

A pin drops somewhere in the classroom.

"Is there such a thing as darkness, professor?"

"That's a dumb question, son. What is night if it isn't darkness? What are you getting at...?"

"So you say there is such a thing as darkness?"

"Yes..."

"You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is not something, it is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light but if you have no light constantly you have nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? That's the meaning we use to define the word. In reality, Darkness isn't. If it were, you would be able to make darkness darker and give me a jar of it. Can you...give me a jar of darker darkness, professor?"

Despite himself, the professor smiles at the young effrontery before him. This will indeed be a good semester. "Would you mind telling us what your point is, young man?"

"Yes, professor. My point is, your philosophical premise is flawed to start with and so your conclusion must be in error...."

The professor goes toxic. "Flawed...? How dare you...!"

"Sir, may I explain what I mean?" The class is all ears.

"Explain... oh, explain..." The professor makes an admirable effort to regain control. Suddenly he is affability itself. He waves his hand to silence the class, for the student to continue.

"You are working on the premise of duality," the Christian explains.
"That for example there is life and then here's death; a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science cannot even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism but has never seen, much less fully understood them. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life, merely the absence of it."

The young man holds up a newspaper he takes from the desk of a neighbor who has been reading it. "Here is one of the most disgusting tabloids this country hosts, professor. Is there such a thing as immorality?"

"Of course there is, now look..."

"Wrong again, sir. You see, immorality is merely the absence of morality. Is there such thing as injustice? No. Injustice is the absence of justice. Is there such a thing as evil?" The Christian pauses.

"Isn't evil the absence of good?"

The professor's face has turned an alarming color. He is so angry he is temporarily speechless. The Christian continues. "If there is evil in the world, professor, and we all agree there is, then God, if he exists, must be accomplishing a work through the agency of evil. What is that work, God is accomplishing? The Bible tells us it is to see if each one of us will, of our own free will, choose good over evil."

The professor bridles. "As a philosophical scientist, I don't vie this matter as having anything to do with any choice; as a realist, I absolutely do not recognize the concept of God or any other theological factor as being part of the world equation because God is not observable."

"I would have thought that the absence of God's moral code in this world is probably one of the most observable phenomena going," the Christian replies. "Newspapers make billions of dollars reporting it every week! Tell me, professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?"

"If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, young man, yes, of course I do."

"Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?"

The professor makes a sucking sound with his teeth and gives his student a silent, stony stare.

"Professor. Since no-one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you now not a scientist, but a priest?"

"I'll overlook your impudence in the light of our philosophical discussion. Now, have you quite finished?" the professor hisses.
"So you don't accept God's moral code to do what is righteous?"
"I believe in what is - that's science!"

"Ahh! SCIENCE!" the student's face spits into a grin. "Sir, you rightly state that science is the study of observed phenomena. Science too is a premise which is flawed..."

"SCIENCE IS FLAWED..?" the professor splutters.

The class is in uproar. The Christian remains standing until the commotion has subsided. "To continue the point you were making earlier to the other student, may I give you an example of what I mean?"
The professor wisely keeps silent. The Christian looks around the room.
"Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the professor's brain?"
The class breaks out in laughter. The Christian points towards his elderly, crumbling tutor. "Is there anyone here who has ever heard the professor's brain...felt the professor's brain, touched or smelt the professor's brain?" No one appears to have done so.

The Christian shakes his head sadly.

"It appears no one here has had any sensory perception of the professor's brain whatsoever. Well, according to the rules of empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says the professor has no brain."
The class is in chaos. The Christian sits...

Because that is what a chair is for.

Phang Cher Hong, a normal guy, a normal teenager. How do you think of him? How is his attitude and do you like him?
As for me, i hate him, yes, that would in turn mean i hate myself, no matter what you guys think of me.

The world can be divided into two types of people, the people who attract attention, either by good looks, their cool attitude or for whatsoever reasons and those who nobody notices and even care and those who are deemed outdated or simple left-outs.

Sad to say, from my point of view, i'm the second type of person. Surprising isn't it?
I may seem cheerful even positive but i am no superman, no matter how strong i steel myself, i cannot escape the fact that i'm an outsider to many people, whom nobody notices until he talks.

I envy those people who are just born with good looks and a humorous attitude, they seem to get attention easily without having to move a muscle while guys like me tend to be left out from most of the things, no matter how hard i try to fit it, to be noticed.

Again and again i tell myself that all these are not important, what matters is the inside but how long can a guy go on cheating himself?

Maybe you would think i'm just making up stories but when you see all your friends conversing in symbolic languages and in a way you could not understand plus keeping tons of secrets from you, i really can't help but wonder why the heck i am standing there, listening to my so called friends talking in a way that i could not make any sense of.

How do you deal with people who does not treat as a friend in a first place?

I'm tired, tired of making a fool out of myself, being whom i am not, telling myself that everything will be alright and i'm just being sensitive, hiding myself under a mask that do not care.

The trouble is, i do but i could not possibly force others to just pity me, i hate that actually. That is why i seldom confide with others or to lash out my feelings, to let others know how am i feeling because i do not want to look weak, i do not want people to sympathise with me and because i do not want people to be concerned about me or the waste their time and energy on me.

Maybe i am destined to be alone afterall, a guy whom nobody notices, who nobody cares, whom nobody looks at.Every relationship i enter is a failure and nobody reallycare if i am there or not.
My presence makes no difference and it brings ni significance.
Why do i want to care about getting along with others or to burden myself with so much unwanted stress?
It's pretty useless actually and i am freaking sick of it.

Ignorance is a bliss, like they say, and sincerely i do not want to care anymore. I'm sick of being overly fake anymore and i have no more energy to remain cheerful and positive. I give up.
So i'll just return to being who i were on the first day of school, someone who does not care about what is going on in the school and someone who does not care if other people notices me.

I just want to keep a low profile and to stay away from all these stuff. If they do not want to be my friends and think lowly on me, why bother wasting my energy to become who i am not?

It has been one week since my last "touching" post and i'm glad to say that life's been good so far for me.

Although some of the times the old feelings will creep back, at least i know now that it is not worth holding on to old memories when the other has already moved on, with someone else.

It's sad actually, realising that i'm just an option in her life, but all the while her feelings was with someone else, her first crush.


Suprisingly, i did not feel any hint of sadness when i came to know of this sad fact just a few days ago. Maybe it's because i have decided to move on, not to look back anymore and to supress all my feelings deep down. Heck, this is the only thing i'm good at, at least.


Went to Summer 8 Live Concert just now and wow, was it fun! Although got a little bit jealous when i saw other couples but at least i got hooked up with one gal for the whole event who is quite crazy and gotta thank her for spending the time with me, though she's not my girlfriend.
Thanks Rita!

That was my first experience in such a concert with such a big crowd and it was really an awesome experience. Too bad i had to skip my youth but nevertheless, i did not regret it. All the jumping, screaming and making a fool out of myself helped to to at least release some of the stress trapped inside me.
Plus i also found another way to enjoy myself besides all those usual activities. No wonder there's so many people who likes to go clubbing. Too bad they just do not know that the same can be done in church, with much more enthusiasm but too bad again that most church like mine do not do this.


Well besides that, i have also been learning many new lessons along the way in form 6. Lessons like responsibilities, leadership and much more.

One of the most important one is how not too judge people by their looks and attitude.
Although someone's attitude and character might stink, literally, it does not mean that we are given the authority to discriminate the person and to judge him/her.

If we do that, what makes us different from the person whom we are judging?
Well, if we do not like a person, i believe everything starts with communication, and talking with them nicely ought to do the trick but if they still remain like a cow, so what can we do?

I thought that i had knew everything but this lesson actually was taught to me by someone i least expected to, someone i deemed too low for these things. But yet again, life has proven me wrong. Funny isn't it, how things usually works out?


Well, i guess my rantings must stop here now, hope i will be a better person when i return. And thanks for your support!

I returned to the place where it all started today, quite unpredictably.

Memories of that day came flooding back to me. How we walked, chatting romanticly, how it felt when i held her hand, how i smile looking at her and how i wished that she's really meant for me.

But sadly, often reality and fantasy have a huge difference.

I took a walk around that place, flashing back all the memories, looking back at one of my happiest day in life. I do not know whether to cry or to smile thinking back.


Funny isn't it, how things always turn out the opposite way we want it to be.
As much as i love her, the feelings that i have poured out, seemed to be pointless.

When she proposed the breakup, what more can i do beside to accept it?
I thought i can move on, forgetting that it ever happened, but turns out that i can't.
As much as i hate to admit it, i still love her deeply.

I asked whether she still have feelings for me just now, and her answer was no, what's left is just memories. Sad, isn't it?


Love can indeed be fleeting, temporary and a dream.
People will change, whether you like it or not and i think it is pointless to hold on any longer, it is the time to move on.
If she could ever read this, i want to say that although the time we share is short, it had meant everything to me and never will i forget it.

But i also know it's useless to keep on hoping for the impossible, so let this post be the last post about her, let the tears i shed today be the last for her and let tommorow be a new day for me to move on, with new hopes.


"Lord, thank you for giving me a chance to experience what is love. Thank you for teaching me that no love in this world can be compared to yours and that people do indeed change Lord.
Lord, although my heart is still in pieces, i trust that everything happens for a reason and if this is your will, i will gladly accept it, oh Lord.
In you i find comfort, in you i find hope.
Mend my heart, Lord, wipe my tears and lead me through this heartbreak Lord.
Thank you again for teaching me so many lessons through this experience and let me remain strong among all this storm Lord.
Thank you Lord,
in the name of Jesus i pray,
Amen".