I have an individual presentation, a write up, a two page essay and a short quiz, all which will be graded, happening in less than seven days.

I have group meetings, dance practices, doors to open (EusoffWorks directors would understand) and other co-curricular meetings I need to attend.

I have yet to touch the tons of readings that my lecturer enjoys so much of bestowing unto us, a group of over-worked university students.

I have not enough time.

I'm gonna have a heart attack or a panic attack soon.

Thank God I'm not going back Ipoh for Chinese New Year.

What is true love exactly?

Is it feeling an intense passion for someone, having someone to care for you, doing things together or saying I love you and you love me all the time? For me, this is what true love is to me:

How many of us that actually understand what the marriage vows mean today? It's all about feeling good for ourselves, enjoying the mushy romantic feeling and when the first signs of cracks appear, we say that the relationship is un-salvageable, the two persons are not compatible, divorce is the only option and run off to find another person to start the entire cycle all over again.

"...to have and to hold, from this day forward,

for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer,

in sickness and in health, until death do us part."
 

 *****

In a culture where we are taught to put ourselves first and to expect that relationships should only be a smooth and obstacle free journey, how many of us that can do what Chris Medina did?

Lyrics:

Made a wrong turn, once or twice
Dug my way out, blood and fire
Bad decisions, that's alright
Welcome to my silly life
Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss 'No way, it's all good', it didn't slow me down
Mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated
Look, I'm still around

Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You are perfect to me!

You're so mean, when you talk about yourself, you were wrong
Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead
So complicated, look happy, you'll make it!
Filled with so much hatred...such a tired game
It's enough! I've done all I can think of
Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same

Oh, pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You're are perfect to me

The whole world's scared so I swallow the fear
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer
So cool in line, and we try try try, but we try too hard and it's a waste of my time
Done looking for the critics, cause they're everywhere
They don't like my jeans, they don't get my hair
Exchange ourselves, and we do it all the time
Why do we do that? Why do I do that?

Why do I do that..?

Yeah, oh, oh baby, pretty baby..!
Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel
Like you're nothing, you're are perfect to me

You're perfect, you're perfect!
Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel
Like you're less than, less than perfect,
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing
You are perfect to me...

*****

This song brought tears to my eyes. Both the song and music video was perfect. I guess there's no need for explanation for this song. The perfect song when you're feeling down.

I used to be a very stubborn boy when I was young. One that would want to win at everything and refuse to stop at anything less than perfection. A boy that is determined to prove anyone who looks down on him wrong. Hard headed, rebellious and constantly striving to be the best. That's what used to be me.

As the years passed by, the boy that knew no limits is slowly replaced by someone who too afraid to try and too afraid to fight for what he wants. Gone were the days where the more you say he cannot do it, the more he would love to prove you wrong. Instead, it is he himself now who happens to be the voice saying that he cannot achieve what he wants.

Perhaps this is what life does to you. You grow up thinking that you could conquer the world but after endless barrage of people saying that you can't and seeing how many times you failed yourself, you will eventually come to believe that you cannot yourself.

Why should I give up if these two rats do not know the meaning of giving up too?

And without knowing it, I have became someone that is so different from the small boy that I used to be last time. If the small boy had believed that he was a no good kid who only knew how to run around, make noise and create trouble like how some aunties used to scold him last time, he would have remained as the kid who only knew how to run around, make noise and create trouble. Not a someone who was determined to make it as far as he could in life and to surpass all his peers just to prove those aunties that dare look down on him.

That WAS me alright.

I guess the sentence that was uttered to me at a table by a good friend of mine tonight kind of gave a good slap on the face to me. I am no longer the "Never Say No" boy anymore. More like a "I'm useless guy" right now. And this is not me. Giving up was never a part of my dictionary. And I do not see any need to put it in right now.

I will fight alright. Both in studies and in everything else. And I'm will not give up easily anymore. I will prove to myself that I can, despite how the situation might be overwhelmingly against me. No matter how many times I fall, how much I get disappointed, I will still stand up tall. Like how the small boy would used to brush away all those criticisms leveled at him when he was young. And how he managed to prove all those aunties who thought he could not even make it through Form 6 wrong.

Thanks Xian You for that insightful sentence of yours. I owe you one.

I have a thousand thoughts in my mind now. Mostly useless ones that wouldn't help me settle important stuff like getting that A for my exams. But that's what you get when you do not sleep and spend the time idling around past 2 am. Thinking about stuff that makes you sad.

I should really have someone to knock me unconscious at 12 am everyday.

"Perhaps one day I will really tell you how I feel. But that one day would not be today."

A friend of mine asked me to help promote this debate event that University Malaya is organizing and being the handsome good friend I am, of course I'm gonna help him out (actually the main reason is more to me being lazy to come up with an original post today). I am, however, quite lazy to reword the entire thing though so I'm just gonna copy and paste the whole thing. So here it is:-

By participating in this competition, students are able to expand their knowledge, encourage thinking critically, learn to debate and argue with solid reasons. Students can multiply their social network especially among medical students themselves across the country.

Therefore we would like to invite the participants from your university to be part of this memorable event. The details are as follows:

Date: 26th February2011
Time: From 7.00 a.m till 7.00p.m
Place: Sixth Residential College, University of Malaya

Event	Participants per team/group	Maximum team/group	Charged per team
Debate	3	2	RM 60.00
Netball (girl)	10	2	RM 200.00
Futsal (boy)	8	2	RM 160.00
Futsal (girl)	8	2	RM 160.00

Those who are interested can contact Jason Liew (016-5488873), Chai Chang Hui (019-8828879)(Debate), Noor Amalina bt Rosli (019-6102016) (Sports).

You can also opt to email Jason Liew at .

All entries are accepted until 15th February 2011.

For debate competition, we would like to invite one representative among the lecturers as the adjudicator.

For your information, you are allowed to bring along as many supporters as you can to join as spectators for the event. Foods for breakfast, lunch and evening tea break are prepared for participant and the adjudicators.

Your cooperation and support is deeply appreciated. We hope that you will not miss this opportunity to be part of the inter-varsity event.

*****

So medical students in Malaysia. what are you waiting for? And oh Kam Wah, you owe me a meal :)

There's one hard fact about life and that is not everyone can be outstanding and special. Like it or not, the majority of us will most probably end up being at best average and normal, despite how much we want to be special and stand out and how hard we try to be special.

Most of us grew up being told by our parents, our teachers and everyone else that if we try hard enough and persevere, we will be able to succeed, achieve our dreams and be someone significant. We are then shown numerous stories of how people who start of poor, people who are written off as being not able to succeed are able to break off from their shackles and go on to achieve greatness to back the claim. Classic examples include Bill Gates who dropped out of university or Einstein who failed his language courses terribly.

But the truth is, how many of us can be like them? While we're being told about these people who managed to overcome the all the odds in life to be someone great, we often tend to forget about the rest who didn't. I'm pretty sure that statistically speaking, for each person that manages to achieve greatness, there are probably hundreds or even thousands of others that did not, no matter how much effort they put in. The believe that you'll get rewarded in proportion to the amount of the effort you gave is mostly myth.

Life is unfair. No everyone in this world gets equal chances. There are just so many factors that come into play when it comes to determining how far you would go in life. Sure, hard work does play a part, but so does personality, talents, environment and family background. I may update my blog everyday in attempting to be a famous blogger but if I do not have the humor to entertain my readers or of I do not know to write skillfully, I may still lose to someone who only blogs once per week but comes up with posts that can move you to tears or make you laugh like a baby. Get what I mean?

Like it or not, we are in fact constrained by the amount of resources we have, be it economic resources (ie your family's wealth) or personality resources (think genetics and talents) and also situational factors.

People who comes from a wealthy family or background will still be able to get a high paying job and live a comfortable life without doing much (think of a friend who is extremely rich, fails most of his exams but is still able to enter a university overseas).

People who are not as wealthy but are extremely talented (singing, studying, writing) will also be able to enjoy a great life provided if they work hard enough.

People who are not that talented and have no wealthy family, however, will need to put in a LOT more effort if they wish to achieve what the first two groups of people are able to with minimal effort because they do not have the resources to help them. And most of the time, they are not able to, which is why they will mostly end up as normal and average.

A little depressing? Yes. I have to admit that this post is a little bit pessimistic but as far as I see it, life is unfair. How many of us that grew up dreaming big but ended up getting disappointed in the end?

[The author of this blog is unable to write a post today due to the fact that he just realized that he has 5 assignments due in the next three weeks and is currently in a state of panic and denial over what he should do to finish those assignments in time. He is, sadly, two weeks behind in all his readings plus studies and that's what causing him to be in such state of panic. However, the author would like to assure loyal readers of this blog (amid his hysteria) that he will not be like Kenny Sia who went blog-less for months already and will resume blogging once he gets his assignments straighten up.

That, or if he gives up on his assignments and take up blogging as his main income, which I'm sure will not be happening soon as he's earning peanuts now from blogging so I'm pretty sure he will be more worried about the assignments. In the meanwhile, the owner of this blog would like to show you all some inspiring videos to keep all of you entertained. Have a nice day.]

The Inspiring Video:-

On The Bright Side by never shout never

I hope you're having a good day so far, I think you are, judging from all the techno and all the club music you're playing right now. The reason that I'm writing this letter to you is to talk to you about the set of speakers that you own.

I know that you have a really good set of speakers with a good bass surround sound system in your room and with such good speakers, it would be natural for you to use it to it's maximum capability. After all, what's a good song or music if you don't play it really loud and immerse yourself in it?

Besides, if I were you, I would also love to show off the awesome power of the speakers to everyone that I may know. Like they said, having the ability to blast really loud music is a total turn on for chicks. I'm sure that you have people dropping every now and then at your room, attracted by the sound of your really loud speakers. And I'm pretty sure you're quite popular too due to that reason.

However, I do wish to point out that not all would share the same love for loud music with the heavy thumping of bass as you. There are people who prefer quietness after all and this happen to be a university hostel we're living in. More often than not, people would love to study for a change and loud music with thumping basses and drums doesn't really help much in getting all the mathematical equations and theories in.

And if you happen to be like me, there's also an occasional nap here and there, where we need to get some power nap to recharge before going to the next class. Loud music with thumping basses makes us feel that we're more like in a club rather than dreamland.

So as both a friend and a hostel mate, I appeal to you to think of your fellow hostel mates and friends who might be studying or sleeping at the time when you choose to turn on the awesome speakers of yours and share your love for music with us because not all of us would appreciate it. To be honest, some of us might even hate you for it but we just do not know how to tell you in a good way, afraid that we might offend your feelings or even get beaten up by you.

But still, I have no choice. I would tolerate it if I can but I'm afraid that I can't, which is why I'm writing you this letter. So Mr Loudspeaker, the next time you turn on your speakers, I would appreciate it really much if you could tone down the volume a little bit. At least to a level where my walls wouldn't vibrate together with your music.

Or if you're afraid that the toning down of the speaker's volume would affect your experience of enjoying the music, I have a better suggestion where you can listen to the music you like at the top of it's volume and I can have some peace at the same time. Headphones. That way, we can have a win win situation where no one will be pissed or annoyed.

I hope this letter would reach you well. And thanks for taking the time for reading my frustrations.

Sincerely,

Someone who hates loud music

I have heard of paedophilia before, a sexual disorder where a person is sexually attracted to pre-adolescent children but necrophilia? That's new.

 
A man was recently arrested on January the 13th, 2011 for allegedly having sex with his already dead girlfriend in Ohio, USA. According to the guy, Richard Elwood Sanden, he said that he did not noticed that the woman, Rebecca Whitehead, had died during the sexual intercourse and immediately called the police and tried to administer CPR to her when he noticed that she was not breathing after the intercourse.

He had initially met the her through a telephone dating services and had been going out together for about four months now, according to statement given to police. When further questioned, he insist that he had really no idea that Whitehead was not breathing during the intercourse.

The police who managed to view a video recording of him having sex with the deceased from a video camera of his, however, seem to think otherwise (more reasons not to record all your intimate moments on video). Also, examination by paramedics who arrived at the scene put the timing of Whitehead's death way ahead of the time when Sanden called to report the death, casting further doubt on his story.

Richard Eldwood Sanden

Richard Sanden was later charged with corpse abuse and necrophilia by the police for performing such an act. However, at the time of this writing, the exact cause of death of Whitehead has yet to be known and it is still unclear on how she died and what exactly transpired during the event.

If I were to add in two cents of my worth, I think that it wouldn't be surprising if this case would strike most of us as bizarre and downright weird. Who in the right mind would want to have sex with a cold dead body anyway? A search on the internet, however, reveals that perhaps necrophilia is not as uncommon as we think it is.

Necrophilia is not new, for your info and there have been many documented cases of necrophilia before and it's history could be traced to ancient civilizations like in Peru and Egypt. In ancient Egypt for example, bodies of beautiful women are left to decay for a few days to prevent people from having sex with them. I certainly did not know that ancient Egyptians were that *ahem* horny.

 But why do people want to have sex with a dead person anyway? Some psychologists theorize that perhaps some of us might want a sexual partner that is incapable of rejecting us, which is why a dead person would be the ideal candidate for that.

Necrophilia or pedophilia, this just proves to me that we humans have all sorts of sexual desires. From an inanimate object like a shoe, to animals, to dead people and to people of our own gender, it seems like there's no limit on what we get turned on by. Strange, but true. Perhaps there's even people who gets turned on by chocolates. Who knows?

Hi, I'm currently selling one Singapore to Ipoh Chinese New Year (CNY) bus ticket for anyone who wants to go back to Ipoh from Singapore for the Chinese New Year celebration. The date for the bus departure is 31st of January and it's a one way ticket. Boarding place would be at Golden Mile and the time will be at night. Those who are interested please sms me at 90397621.

Translated using Google Translate to market this further:

你好，我现在卖一个新加坡到怡保历新年（人民币）巴士票，任何人谁愿意回去从新加坡到怡保的农历新年庆祝活动。为巴士出发日期是1月31日，这是一个单程车票。寄宿的地方将在黄金地带，时间将在晚上。有兴趣者请短信谁在90397621我。

Today I'm gonna talk about my underwear. Part of the reason is because I am running out of things to talk and another part of it is because I noticed that something peculiar is happening to the collection of underwear I have.

You see, every semester without fail, the amount of underwear I have will dwindle down from the original amount that I have. Lets say I have 7 at the start of the semester and when the semester closes 6 months later, I will most probably end up with 4 or 5. What happened to the rest, I will never know.

It's not that anyone would want to steal them though. They're pretty much worthless and don't smell nice, unless that they're that poor and can't afford to buy 1 themselves, but other than that I can't see any other reason people would want them. Besides, the only time that I bring my underwear out is when I wear them or when I wash them.

It's kinda annoying sometimes. I have bought like how many replacement underwear every time one goes missing and if I were to total up my total my expenditure replacing all my missing underwear, it would easily beat the amount of money I spend on my clothes itself. Serious.

I guess this is part of university life. Having your stuff go missing once in a while and it happens to be underwear in my case. Perhaps one day I will find out why this keeps happening because like they say, the truth is out there. Or perhaps I should just install GPS tracking device unto them.

3 Days.

3 Places.

3 Different Activities.

One really tired me.

Suddenly feel like singing this song.

Looking forward to a slower week come Monday.

I'm no superman!

P/s: Never, never have dance production, Chingay and kayaking in 3 consecutive days. You'll die.

The only DP related photo I can find now

 After more than months of trying to force my body to be more flexible and to look like I can dance, finally Eusoff Hall's Dance Production for 2010/11 is finally over. I'm having mixed feelings though. Happy that it's finally over and we put on a great show tonight but sad in the meantime because I will definitely miss all those dance practices I had, despite how hard or tiring they were.

But for now, I'm just gonna let the feeling sink in and not talk so much first. When I feel more like it, I will write one whole long post regarding Eusoff's DP. Besides, there's still all these makeup I need to remove and I still need to wait for photos to be uploaded.

But if I were to summarize my experience in one word, it would be AWESOME. It's an  awesomely awesome journey. I love DP.

3.25 am. As my left hand is busily typing this post up, my right hand is busily dismembering the chicken beside me. Not a live chicken but a barbecued one. Why am I eating a whole chicken alone? Let me explain.

You see, there's this place called Sheares Hall in the place where I study (NUS) that sells really good chicken for supper every Thursday. It's called the Sheares chicken by the way, not surprisingly, and it's also famous all around NUS. I had always liked eating the chicken but don't usually get the chance because Sheares Hall is considered as quite far from where we stay (it's only a 10+ minute walk by the way, but that's how the majority of university student measure distance) so normally I wouldn't have the chance to eat it because some of my friends would be really lazy to walk there.

But still, I'm one of the food lovers that would do anything for good food.

It so happen that a few days ago, I thought it would be great to visit Sheares Hall to try out the chicken again with some of my other friends who do not mind the distance as me, namely three of them. So I tagged the three of them in my Facebook status, asking them if they wanted to go Sheares for supper on Thursday night.

Little did I know that my status had offended some of my other friends whom I did not tag. Or at least that's what one of the three friends I tagged told me. She asked me why I did not invite the others for the Sheares supper and mentioned to me that they were quite sad that I neglected them. My initial reasoning was that they rarely join us, often citing the far distance and their busy schedule as a reason but I thought that perhaps this time they really wanted to go. So I made a mental note to include them personally for the supper plans.

As things turn out, many events began popping out unexpectedly on Thursday and we had to cancel our plan to go Sheares on Thursday. But still, some of us agreed to order the chicken back to our hall just for the sake of eating it. Remembering the few friends that were offended initially by the status, I decided to order two chickens instead of one, afraid that one would not be enough for all of us.

Perhaps it's my fault for not thoroughly consulting them about the chicken because by Thursday night, I found out that all of us had timetable clashes and we were not able to meet up together to eat the chicken. In addition to that, some of them said that they were busy and asked us to go ahead. The same people who were offended by the Facebook status message.

So in the end, five of us had to finish to chicken and as fate would have it, one chicken got left behind. The one sitting next to me now. The one my right hand is furiously digging into.

Honestly, I don't know what lesson that can be learned from this. In my effort to accommodate everyone and everything, I ended up forsaking some and sacrificing one chicken in the process. Perhaps next time, I shouldn't care so much about those who wants in at the last minute and stick to the original plans instead. If they want to be angry, let them be. At least I don't have to try and finish one whole chicken by myself.

Oh look, it's 4.06 am already.

Attention all Super Junior / 슈퍼주니어 (SuJu) fans in Singapore! Good news! If you have not yet know, the awesome Korean band will be coming to Singapore to perform as part of their Super Show 3 (SS3) Asia tour on the 29th and 30th January 2011, 6.30 pm on Saturday and 4.00 pm on Sunday, at the Singapore Indoor Stadium. If you wanna catch them live, this is your chance!

The Singapore Indoor Stadium

However, one of the things to worry about when such a famous group comes to perform in Singapore would be the cost itself. It wouldn't be surprising if the cheapest ticket price that you can get is at least 100+ SGD and stretches all the way to perhaps even well above 500 SGD, like when Rain came to Singapore last time. If you happen to be a poor student like me, spending so much over one single ticket would definitely result in our parents wanting our heads off and therefore the only alternative we have is to hope that there's a broadcast of the concert on TV.

But fear not! You still have a chance to catch them live at Singapore Indoor Stadium even if you do not have the $$$ to do so., thanks to OMY.sg.


In conjunction with the event, the folks at OMY are giving free pairs of tickets to the concert to 2 pair of lucky winners (that's four tickets in total!). You only need to have a Facebook account, a really good reason on why you want to attend the concert and lots of friends to grab those precious tickets. That easy.

All you need to do is to visit and comment on the photo on why you would like to attend Super Junior's SS3 concert. The comment with the most "LIKES" would win a pair of awesome SuJu's SS3 tickets. Easy right?

And if you're lazy to think of a creative comment to write and ask your friends to vote for you, fret not. OMY is also giving another pair of the concert's tickets to a lucky voter. So all you have to do is just to "like" one of the comments there. Easy x2! So what are you waiting for? Head over to the page and start commenting / voting now to stand a chance to catch SuJu live in action!

The magical picture that could grant your wish to see SuJu's concert!

Speaking of which, I would like to attend the concert myself too. Not that I am a fan myself, I don't love them like how some of my friends do until their whole room are filled with Super Junior's posters, but still I must admit that Super Junior are quite talented too when it comes to dancing. I love dancing too myself and it would be great to see them unleash their dance moves live, not on some Youtube videos that I always happen to watch. Besides, I have been dying to see the legendary hands rubbing and legs crossing move from the song "Sorry Sorry" live on stage too. Which is why I would love to attend the concert too!

And like I said, I'm a poor student. Concerts like this, where the ticket price is enough to buy me a brand new phone (one that can at least take pictures) is a luxury that I can only dream to have for now. Perhaps I could afford it when I'm working ten years later (I hope Super Junior is still popular) but definitely not now. To be honest, the concerts that I've attended are all the free ones with some really old singer on the stage and for the past 20 years of my life, I have never really been to a proper concert with such famous bands before. I would really like to attend this concert for a change and to really experience what it feels like to be shouting, singing, clapping and literally going crazy with thousands of fans out there. It would surely be nice.

And lastly, as far as I know, girls LOVE Super Junior. And I plan to use the concert tickets (if I win) to ask the special someone out. Like what I learned in Psychology, the good and excited feelings that the she might feel during the concert, thanks to Super Junior, might be attributed to me in a situation called "misattribution of arousal" and by the end of the day, she might think that I'm the one causing her to feel good and excited!

I'm just joking. I'm not that evil. I just want to attend the concert because I know she will like it and I plan to surprise her with it. That is, if I manage to win the tickets though.

So there you have it. My three reasons of why I would like to attend the Super Junior concert myself. Their awesome dance moves, it would be an awesome experience for me and I would like to surprise the special someone. I wonder if this blog post would be good enough for me to bag those tickets?

I'm a guy with turbulent emotions. Not unlike girls who undergo mood swings when they have PMS. One thing about me is that my mood is rarely stable. While most people have a constant mood for a certain period of time (if they're happy they will stay happy for like at least one day, if there's no major depressive events), even the slightest cue might make my emotions go haywire. I could be happy all day, feeling all positive and great, and the next thing you know is there's a dark stormy cloud hanging above me just because my friends forgot to ask me for dinner. And the stormy cloud could easily turn into a major hurricane if left unchecked. And then I would be all normal again on the next day after a good night's sleep.

If my Psychology studies were anything to go by (I was reading abnormal psychology just now), I think I would diagnose myself with Cyclothymia disorder. It's something like Bipolar Disorder, where your mood constantly changes from mania to depression, except it's on a milder version and do not impair your social functioning as serious as Bipolar Disorder do.

And I'm not bluffing!

According to what the book says, I fit all the criteria mentioned perfectly. I have alternating mood elevation and depression levels where some days I could feel that I could accomplish anything and the world was a wonderful place while on the others I would be all emo thinking that the world surely hates me. Not only that, these changes in mood are not caused by major events but rather small events that does not affect the normal person. If all these does not point out the fact that I'm cyclothimic, nothing will.

Perhaps this would finally explain how come I could be so emotional and sad some days and how I could be like the happiest-go-lucky person on the others. Seems like this cyclothymia disorder is to blame for causing all these troubles in my life.

But then again, the lecturer warned us about simply diagnosing ourselves with all kinds of psychological diseases that we can find in the book just because we fit some criteria of the disorders. But if cyclothymia is not to be blamed for my mood swings, then what is?

The two sides of Lukey. Beware!

There are three types of boyfriends in this world. The heck care boyfriends, the jealous boyfriend and the over-jealous boyfriends. You know, the guy who thinks that his girlfriend is constantly under threat from the evil elements of the world, particularly those handsome vampires that will suck your blood and thinks that he is the only sole protector of his sweet and vulnerable girlfriend. The guy who thinks that the moment he shifts his eyes away, his girlfriend will run off with somebody else. The guy who thinks that the best way to keep a girl loyal to you is to bar all social contact of the girl. Lock her in a cage, maybe.

If there's one thing that I could not understand about relationships in this world, it would be the case of the over-jealous boyfriend.


Over the past 21 years, I must admit that I had my share of jealous boyfriends wanting to wring my neck here and there. From the guy who cannot stand his girlfriend adding me in Facebook (story here) to a recent incident in my hall's dance production (for safety reasons, I have agreed to keep the details a secret in case he decides for a showdown), I must say that I do not understand how this jealousy thing sometimes work. I mean sure, it's normal for you to feel jealous over someone you love but if you really love someone, I believe that you'll be able to trust her right?

I don't know. To be honest, I've never been able to grasp how over-jealous boyfriends think actually. I've seen situations where the boyfriend disallows the girlfriend to go clubbing without him in fear of her getting targeted, which is understandable, to downright dumb cases where the girlfriend's handphone gets confiscated by the boyfriend just because he's jealous that she's messaging people other than him.

Or the case where a guy bars his girlfriend from dancing because she might be coming into physical contact with other guys during the dance.

Or just because the dress she's wearing is "too sexy", that's why she is not allowed to dance.

If you truly love someone, be it a guy or girl, my opinion is that you wouldn't want to limit their freedom to such a degree, like they're your pets. A loving relationship includes trust and trust means that you know that no matter what your girlfriend does, by the end of the day, her heart is still with you. She won't just love another guy just because they are dance partners. And even if that happens, either you're not good enough to keep your heart or she's that kind of girl who changes heart easily and it's not worth being with her anyway. It's not the dance partner's fault to start with, honestly.

But I guess that's what jealousy does to you. So much so that to a point that you find you can't trust her anymore and if given a choice, you would lock her in a cage so she can't go anywhere. But that's not love, that's sick.

Of course, it's not wrong for girlfriends to tone down too when they get attached but not to such an extent that they need to sacrifice almost everything they enjoy doing. There's always a place to draw a line.

But oh well, love does drives you blind and mad so I can't really judge what these over-jealous boyfriends want to do with their girl. It's just that when I'm at the receiving end I get annoyed. Don't get mad at me just because you're worried your girlfriend might have a change of heart. I'm innocent, you know, and I hate being the spanner.

I have something to say but I'm afraid that if I say it out, I will lose what I have now.

I really want to make the move but I'm afraid I will regret it for life.

I hate to be stuck in this limbo, not knowing what step should I take next but I'm afraid that that once I take this step, there will be no turning back.

I wish that I could be brave but I'm afraid the outcome will not be the one that I want.

I love to be cryptic when I'm emo.


And here am I posting all these feelings of mine for the world to see. I think I'll go and sleep it off.

Lyrics:

Imagine there's no Heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you will join us
And the world will live as one

Imagine no possessions I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll come and join us
And the world will live as one

As one...

*****

A really nice song, though I can't say I agree with all of the lyrics, but still nice nonetheless. Especially when you have Sam Tsui, Kurt Schneider and AHMIR coming together.

It's not easy maintaining a blog, to be honest. Especially when you have a blog name called "LUKEYisHandsome.com" because as the blog owner, somehow you're expected to live up to what you claim to be in your blog. Someone who has a blog name called "Bitchy Rants" would be expected to bitch rant about everything in her life all the time and someone who names his blog "Emo Kid Writes" would be expected to write loads of emo stuff in his blog. Which explains why there's a need for Lukey to be handsome in this case.

And as all handsome guys know, it's not easy being handsome either. I'm referring to the maintaining part, that is. If you happen to have taken biology lessons before, you would know that in the body we live in, despite how good looking we might be when we're born, is subjected to a lot of external factors such as stress, hormones, viruses and aging, to name a few, and if those things are left unchecked, would affect how you look, whether you like it or not.

Aside from external factors, your body can also be divided into various parts and you have to take care of all of them if you want to look good. There's the face you need to look after, the body shape you need to maintain, the skin and even the hair that you must ensure to be in a good condition if you were to be considered as handsome or pretty.

While most of my body are still in a quite handsome condition, I do have a problem in trying in maintaining this handsome look that I have. And this problem happens to be my hair. Yes, my hair.

Don't get me started with the amount of problems I have with my hair. As a famous fashion expert once remarked, having healthy hair that looks nice and natural is one of the key ingredients of being a handsome guy / pretty girl. When you have stylish hair, it will certainly will help boost your degree of handsomeness/prettiness while a bad hair day while undoubtedly affect how you look. Even if you have a Brad Pitt face, a bad hair day will make you look like a Justin Bieber.

She's pretty. If you don't look at the hair. Get my point?

Which brings us to the main topic of the day, what's wrong with my hair. You see, my hair is un-styled almost 99% of the time out of 24 hours per day. Which means that the hairstyle that you'll usually find on me is the one I woke up with. No gel, no wax, just water if I remembered to bath.

It's not that I do not enjoy styling my hair, it's just that the condition of my hair is that vulnerable that any chemicals I put on it, be it wax or gel, would greatly damage my hair. My hairstylist once remarked that my hair was that bad that there's a high chance of me joining the ranks of "guys going bald before the age of 40" if there's no miracle happening. Dandruff, dry hair, hair fall, undernourished hair, you name it, I got it.

Heck, my dandruff problem is that bad to the extent that every time I scratch my hair in a high place, people below would think that snow have come to Singapore. Until when they decide to look up, that is. The next thing you'd see would be an angry mob chasing me down for infecting them with my snowy white dandruff. And along with my dandruff, you'd have my hair falling all over too. I have to sweep my room at least once every 2 to 3 days or risk having it covered in hair. My hair. Not the curly ones okay.


I did went once for a scalp treatment in hopes of fixing this poblem, afraid that I'd be bald before I'd actually have a girlfriend. Sadly, it did not work out that well. My hair did stop falling and the dandruff did disappeared but two weeks after treatment, when I enrolled in NUS and started my life here, my dreaded hair problem came back to haunt me.

To this day, I am still having problems with my hair. And dandruff. Try as I might, I can't seem to get rid of it. I've tried switching shampoos (from Dove to Pantene to Clear to No-Hope-For-Your-Head), tried different techniques of washing my hair (leaving the shampoo on top of your head and counting to 60) and even asking for divine help but to no avail. My hair still drops.

I've pretty much given up hope on ever fixing this problem though. With the high cost of hair treatment nowadays, there's very little chance I would get professional help for my hairy troubles. My despair was that deep that I even have plans to rename this blog to be LUKEYisBald.com in case all my hair really drops off before 40. The tag line would read, "LUKEYisBald.com! The shiniest place on the web!".

So when Nuffnang announced the Svenson's Hair Care Giveaway contest, I was overjoyed! Thanks to the contest, I stand a chance of winning a free hair consultation and treatment at Svenson's to fix my hair problem. And from what I heard from people, Svenson's Hair Care is has a pretty high quality when it comes to fixing your hair and I hope they would to just that! That way I could still keep my blog's name of LUKEYisHandsome.com and not end up being bald.


I'd still prefer the grand prize of an iPad though that is being offered, but being the type of guy I am who thinks that his blog post is nowhere good enough to win competitions, getting the consolation prize which is having a free customized treatment at Svenson's Hair Care is already a big thing already. Of course, the ideal situation would be to win an iPad and also a customized Svenson's Hair Care treatment but I know I shouldn't be asking too much.

So Svenson's and Nuffnang, am I good enough to win the iPad? Or at least get a free customized hair care treatment? I really don't want to change my blog name, honestly speaking. Especially one with the word bald in it. Honestly.

I want to touch my hair like him too. While playing an iPad at the same time

I must admit that I'm quite sensitive sometimes. And I tend to over-think myself and is able to come up with all sorts of conspiracy theories regarding a situation that is in fact quite simple.

Take now for example. As I sit here writing my blog, I could here some of my friends laughing above me, perhaps having fun together. While a normal person might just dismiss the situation thinking that perhaps it's a coincidence that they bumped into each other and happened to talk a bit longer together or perhaps they are with other friends that he might not know, I on the other hand, tends to go overboard.

Overboard in such a way that my mind will start to formulate all sorts of funny questions like why they are laughing together and obviously having fun while I'm sitting here in my room all by myself? Why am I not invited? What are they doing up there? Did they purposely left me out? Did I do something wrong to make them hate me? Mostly stupid questions. And no smart answers to it.

Depending on how my mind decides to work things out, I could either end up being pretty sad or angry next. Or both. Sad because while I try to be a good friend, I still can't seem to get accepted and still considered as one of the out-group members. Angry because of how sometimes they say that all of us are friends, how all of us are important and how we should stick together but in the end, some of us are still considered as being more important than others, even though we're from the same group of friends.

Strange, isn't it? How my brain tends to over-complicate things.

And after all of this information processing is completed, you would end up with one very emo Luke, who have an even lower self esteem than he used to because he assumed that he was left out from his friend's activities because he was not good enough to make the cut. And for the rest of the day, you could expect to see him with a low amount of energy and a face as sour as a lemonade.

You see, my mind just simply can't comprehend the fact that perhaps the situation where my friends are doing something without me can be explained in a simple manner after all, like they're having a girls night together or there were other friends who were not invited too. I just simply love the more complicated explanations for unexplainable reasons.

Like I said, I'm not normal.

As someone with a mild social phobia, I must admit that life isn't as easy as it seems for me. I have to face tons of difficulties regarding social situations in my life, like how to speak without making a fool out myself to someone I have just met at a party or how to give a good introduction without going into a full blown monologue hyperdrive. So naturally I tend to be very quiet to avoid all those life or death situations.

Another life or death situation that I also face, especially when you're living in a hostel, thanks to this mild social phobia I have is when I am walking towards someone that I roughly know but yet is not close enough to be considered as friends.

You see, normal people would just go ahead and say hi with a smile anyway, but my share of having people ignore you in the face even though you're waving in front of them has given me quite the scare of saying hi to people I think I know again.

Nowadays, when I see someone from my hostel that I roughly know walking towards me, I tend to get all tensed up with a thousand thoughts running through my head at the same time.

Should I wave and say hi? Or should I just smile? What if the person ignores me? I think I better just pretend to be doing something and pretend I did not see him. But what if he says hi to me? Wouldn't he think that I'm being really unfriendly? I think I'll just walk with a smile, maintain an eye contact until we get close and see what happens. Should I wave too?

By the time I finished analyzing the situation, the person in question usually would have walked far behind me, thinking what a snob I am for pretending to be deep in thought and ignoring him.

You see, I really wish to be friendly most of the time. It's just that how my brain tend to over-analyze thing, even in such simple situations where seeing someone that I roughly know or don't know is walking towards me.

I guess it's just me. Normal people would just gone ahead and said hi anyway.

It seems like famous Youtube singers all around are collaborating with Kurt Schneider to produce cover music lately. The newest addition to the list of singers whom Kurt worked with would be J Rice, whom I got to know when he sang Tong Hua (童话) in Chinese and English last time with Jason Chen . It's not surprising though for other aspiring singers in Youtube to collaborate with Kurt, seeing how talented he is in producing awesome music. Seems to me like we'll be seeing quite little of Sam Tsui now.

Anyway, here's the latest Kurt Schneider production featuring J Rice on a song called Hold My Hand, originally by Akon. Enjoy! 

Lyrics

Ohhh...
Yeahh...
Hold My hand...

We miss you...
This life don't last forever (hold my hand)
So tell me what we're waiting for (hold my hand)
We're better off being together (hold my hand)
Than being miserable alone (hold my hand)

Cause I've been there before
And you've been there before
But together we can be alright.
Cause when it gets dark and when it gets cold
We hold each other till we see the sunlight

(So if you just)
Hold my hand
Baby I promise that I'll do
All I can

Things will get better if you just hold my hand,
Nothing can come between us if you just hold,
Hold my, hold my, hold my hand.

(Hold my hand)

The nights are getting darker (hold my hand)
And there's no peace inside (hold my hand)
So why make our lives harder (hold my hand)
By fighting love, tonight. (sooooo)

 I've been there before
And you've been there before
But together we can be alright 
When it gets dark and when it gets cold

We hold each other till we see the sunlight

If you just hold my hand
Baby I promise that I'll do
All I can
Things will get better if you just hold my hand (yeahh)
Nothing can come between us if you just hold,
Hold my, hold my, hold my hand.

I can tell you're tired of being lonely 
Take my hand don't let go baby hold me
Come to me and let me be your one and only
So I can make it alright til' the morning

I can tell you're tired of being lonely 
Take my hand don't let go baby hold me 
Come to me and let me be your one and only
So I can make it alright til' the morning

Hold my hand
Baby I promise  that I'll do
All I can 
Things will get better if you just hold my hand 
Nothing can come between us if you just hold,
Hold my, hold my, hold my hand.

Hold my hand (hold my hand)
All I can (hold my hand)
Things will get better
Hold my hand
Ohhh....
Hold my, hold my, hold my hand.

This life don't last forever
So tell me what we're waiting for

*****

Coming soon, a Hold My Hand parody called Read My Blog by Lukey!